This might be the most personally confronting episode I’ve recorded in a long time.
A few days ago, I had to send a text message I had been absolutely dreading. I spent days worrying about how this person would feel, what they would think, whether they’d be hurt, disappointed, blindsided, angry, or quietly resentful.
Then the moment came when I needed to send the damn text already. So I did. And guess what? Their response completely dismantled the story I had been telling myself all week. That experience led me into a much bigger question: at what point does empathy stop being empathy and start becoming an attempt to manage someone else’s reality for them?
The deeper I looked, the more I saw how often I move through life assuming responsibility for experiences that do not actually belong to me. And I doubt I’m alone in that. Maybe this is something you’re doing without realizing it, too.
In this episode, we talk about over-responsibility, people-pleasing, parenting, Rudolf Steiner, Dion Fortune, Martin Buber, the Christian mysteries, and why trusting another person’s capacity might be one of the deepest forms of love there is.
Along the way we explore:
• Why highly sensitive people often become emotional managers
• The hidden arrogance inside over-empathy
• The difference between caring for someone and carrying them
• Why rescuing can quietly undermine growth
• What parenting teaches us about trust
• The spiritual danger of trying to live other people’s lives for them
• The relationship between love, faith, and control
• How to stop rehearsing other people’s suffering
Reflection questions from this episode (for your journal, MOODS, or simply a conversation with yourself):
• What do I actually know?
• What am I assuming?
• What part of this belongs to me?
• What would respect look like here?
• Am I helping this person, or am I trying to protect myself from the discomfort of watching them have their own experience?
• What resources might this person have that I cannot see?
These questions ended up changing the entire direction of my thinking. If you spend some real time with them, I think they might do the same for you.
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