We haven’t really seen each other for three weeks, so obviously there is plenty to catch up on. Conor has returned from Turkey with a suspiciously impressive tan, David has returned from Kent with opinions about meal boxes, and somewhere along the way we spend several minutes discussing cookies, sausage and mash, cat-sick curry, frog-shaped tortellini and whether Aldi makes its imitation cereals out of bumholes.
Then comes this week’s carefully researched topic: Predators: Plants. Unfortunately, David seems to have researched “plants that can kill you” instead, meaning Conor is forced to repeatedly ask whether a poisonous shrub that sits completely motionless waiting for an idiot to eat it can genuinely be described as a predator. Somehow, this reopens the historic Father and Son Days dispute over hippopotamuses.
Along the way, dock leaves lose their entire reason for existing, Little Shop of Horrors somehow explains why Conor stopped eating Shreddies, tumbleweeds turn out to be more interesting than expected, and parsley may or may not get you pregnant. David then performs The Garden of Evil before testing Conor with Flora or Imposter? Or Imposter?, featuring pussy toes, naked ladies, a booby cactus, hairy balls and Sticky Willy.
Just another perfectly respectable gardening podcast.
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