Welcome to How to Stop People Pleasing (Without Being A D!ck About It)
In 2016 I was a happily-pregnant work-addicted people pleaser in a job I loved with pretty much exclusively externalised self-worth.
I didn’t set out to get over my people pleasing tendencies and poor boundaries (although I was very aware they were an issue) – but I did need to deal with the logistics of my boundary-less, work-addicted life post-baby. What I set out to do then was get a handle on my time… where I ended up was letting go of my multi-decade tenure as a people pleaser and finally learning how to say NO.”
Today’s episode outlines how I did it and how you can too. Along the way I delve into the psychology of the people pleaser and share some self-coaching questions to help you interrogate (and transcend) own relationship with people pleasing.
The episode is broken down as follows:
Resources & References:
‘How To Maximise And Conserve Your Time’ with Monique Shaw on The Rewriters Pod: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/re-release-how-to-maximise-and-conserve-your-time/id1538589146?i=1000721478914
‘Two Questions That Will Change Your Life’ with Monique Shaw on The Rewriters Pod: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/s2-ep-8-two-questions-that-will-change-your-life/id1538589146?i=1000561748881
‘Make The Same Impact At Work In Half The Time’ by Monique Shaw on rewriterewrite.com: https://www.rewriterewrite.com/blog/make-the-same-impact-in-half-the-time
'Links between unmitigated communion, interpersonal behaviours and wellbeing’ by Helgeson et al on Research Gate: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/275058320_Links_between_unmitigated_communion_interpersonal_behaviors_and_well-being_A_daily_diary_approach
'Fawning as a trauma response’ by Grace Ogren on Recovery.com: https://recovery.com/resources/fawning-as-a-trauma-response/
'Breaking the cycle of people pleasing’ by Michelle Quirk on Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/your-emotional-meter/202401/breaking-the-cycle-of-people-pleasing
‘The Psychology Behind People Pleasing’ by Marissa Moore on PsychCentral:
https://psychcentral.com/health/the-need-to-please-the-psychology-of-people-pleasing
The 24-hour rule from Boundary Theory (Ashforth, 2000) – no link
Work with Monique:
Get in touch with Monique:
The Rewriters is written, produced and presented by Monique Shaw. Original music by DJ Cinnamon.
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