What happens when the person who treats you well feels boring, and the one who keeps you guessing feels like love?
In this episode I sit down with Sabrina Zohar, the dating and relationship coach and author of Why Am I Like This?, to explore why so many of us keep choosing the wrong person.
We talk about why your brain is built to keep you safe rather than help you grow, how repetition compulsion pulls you toward partners who feel like home even when home wasn't safe, why being liked without having to earn it can feel too easy, and the night she told a guy after their first date exactly what she wanted and that if he didn't want the same, he shouldn't call.
We also explore the difference between ruminating and processing, why "stay single, it's easier" is often just avoidance, the 80/20 test for knowing when someone is worth committing to, and how I nearly sabotaged my own relationship because it didn't feel exciting enough.But underneath the dating advice, this conversation is about something much more personal.
Why chaos can feel like chemistry when it's really just familiar. How the stories you learned as a kid keep choosing your partners for you. And what it takes to stop chasing what's hard to get and start staying with what's good for you.
Because healthy love was never supposed to feel like a rollercoaster. And calm doesn't mean something's missing.
Sabrina Zohar is a dating and relationship coach and host of The Sabrina Zohar Show. Her book Why Am I Like This? is published by Penguin, and she has nearly 3 million followers across Instagram and TikTok.
Timestamps:
(00:00) Introduction: Why We Repeat Patterns
(01:05) Repetition Compulsion Explained
(03:01) Healthy Can Feel Boring
(03:42) Novelty and Unattainable Love
(05:46) Childhood Trauma Big and Small
(10:38) From Shame to Accountability
(13:53) Ruminating vs Processing Feelings
(17:09) Choosing Love Without Control
(18:25) Taking Up Space in Dating
(21:55) Healthy Relationships Are Built
(24:12) Relationships Need Nurturing
(25:53) Keep Dating Each Other
(27:05) Non Negotiables vs Compromise
(29:38) Modern Dating Pressures
(33:38) Men Lost in the Middle
(36:55) Trad Roles and Tradeoffs
(38:51) Choosing Single on Purpose
(41:11) Dating Burnout Reset
(43:43) Commitment in Endless Options
(46:46) Advice to My 18 Year Old Self
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Instagram: https://instagram.com/nickbracks
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Email: contact@nickbracks.com
Connect with Sabrina:
Website: https://sabrinazohar.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/sabrina.zohar
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