Addiction Makes Three

In today’s episode, we’re diving deep into a fear that many face in the journey of supporting a loved one with addiction: relapse.Whether your loved one has relapsed before, or you’re constantly worried it might happen, this conversation is here to bring clarity, strength, and hope.Relapse can feel like a devastating setback, leaving you questioning if all the hard work and progress have been wasted. But it doesn’t have to mean starting from zero. In this episode, we explore the difference between a lapse and a relapse—a crucial distinction that can completely change the way you approach your loved one’s journey and your own response.We’ll talk about the mindset shift needed in how we view setbacks and stumbles and see them as part of change rather than its end, with a few practical analogies that help reframe these moments. What You’ll Learn:The key difference between a lapse and a relapse and why it mattersHow to reframe setbacks with compassion and understanding for both of youPractical steps to support your loved one and yourself in a positive way during challenging timesTools to help you helpfully navigate your emotions, thoughts, and responsesWhy language matters here.Mentioned in This Episode:I had a lapse of my own in January 2024 - listen to Episode 10 of the podcastPathway to Wellness Program: Dive deeper into understanding addiction and effective strategies to support yourself and your loved one.This episode is for anyone feeling the weight of a loved one’s struggles, offering a perspective that brings hope, empathy, and resilience. Tune in, take a breath, and know that you are not alone in this journey.Show Notes:If you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast ...Be the first to know when the doors open to the Kind and Evidenced based program for loved ones and spouses of those struggling with addiction or in recovery - The three month Pathway to Wellness Program. Drop your details here.I love getting mail! Send me an email here or amanda@addictionmakesthree.comAre we Instagram friends?Book in a friendly chat about your situation and how it can be better: Click here to find a time

In this episode, I chat about the concept of "addiction autopilot"—a term I’ve coined to describe the ingrained, habitual behaviours many of us adopt when living with a loved one struggling with addiction. I discuss how these automatic responses and reactions, like checking a loved ones phone, snooping, yelling or walking on eggshells, may feel necessary but often do more harm than good. I explain how these behaviours develop gradually over time and become so ingrained that we don’t even notice them, much like other life habits like brushing our teeth or putting our seatbelt on when we get in the car.The key to breaking out of this cycle is awareness. By recognising these addiction autopilot habits, we can begin the process of unlearning them and replacing them with healthier, more constructive behaviours. While it’s easy to justify these actions in the moment, we need to ask ourselves if they’re truly helping us, our loved ones, or our relationships. I encourage you to show yourself compassion and take responsibility for your own well-being by cultivating new, healthy habits—just as we hope our loved ones will do in their own recovery and wellbeing journeys.Tune in to learn how to identify and shift out of addiction autopilot and regain control of your life and see the ripple effect in those around you.Show Notes:If you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast ...Be the first to know when the doors open to the Kind and Evidenced based program for loved ones and spouses of those struggling with addiction or in recovery - The three month Pathway to Wellness Program. Drop your details here.I love getting mail! Send me an email here or amanda@addictionmakesthree.comAre we Instagram friends?Book in a friendly chat about your situation and how it can be better: Click here to find a time

In this episode, I am diving deep into the complexities of recognising problematic behaviour in loved ones, when dealing with addiction and recovery.I highlight the emotional toll such behaviours can take on your life and mental health, stressing the importance of trusting yourself. Here I discuss why it's crucial to identify if a loved one's actions are affecting your well-being, even if societal norms suggest otherwise. I offers insights on navigating recovery, establishing healthy boundaries with yourself, those around you and your loved one, and most importantly taking personal responsibility for your own wellbeing, choices and happiness.Key Takeaways:Recognise the Impact: If your loved one's addiction or behaviour is negatively affecting your life, it’s a problem for you—even if no one else sees it that way.Trust Your Instincts: You don’t need anyone’s validation to determine if a behaviour is problematic for you. Trust your own judgment.Alcohol and Society: Alcohol is deeply ingrained in society, making discussions about its misuse and impact on relationships even more challenging.Set Your Own Boundaries: It’s important to define what acceptable behaviour looks like for you, independent of others’ opinions.Prioritise Your Happiness: Your happiness and mental health should not be dependent on someone else’s actions or their recovery journey.Take the First Step: Acknowledging that there’s a problem is the first step toward creating positive change in your life.Recovery is a Journey: Sobriety and recovery are ongoing processes that require commitment from both parties involved.Evolving Boundaries: It’s okay to adjust your boundaries as you grow and evolve in your life and relationships.Avoid Gaslighting: Gaslighting can make you question your reality and whether something is truly a problem. Trust yourself.Healthy Relationships: Clear communication and taking personal responsibility are key to maintaining healthy, supportive relationships.This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating the challenges of addiction in their relationship, providing tools to protect your mental health and find clarity amidst the chaos. Whether you're questioning your partner's alcohol or drug use or other problematic behaviour, or dealing with the emotional complexities of a loved one’s recovery, I'm hoping this episode will empower you to take control of your own well-being.Show Notes:If you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast ...Be the first to know when the doors open to the Kind and Evidenced based program for loved ones and spouses - The three month Pathway to Wellness Program. Drop your details here.I love getting mail! Send me an email here or amanda@addictionmakesthree.comAre we Instagram friends?Book in a friendly chat about your situation and how it can be better: Click here to find a time

 And I know you are going to ask… BUT HOW do I do that when addiction throws its chaos around?! How can I focus on me?And I know. I've been there too... not knowing what to do. It can feel impossible to change. Especially by yourself. You can feel completely consumed by your loved one’s state of being.We think if we love another person just a bit harder, care about them a bit more… just focus on them entirely… then they WILL get better/stay better.❓But ask yourself… how is this serving you? And is it getting the outcome you are hoping for?In this conversation, I talk about the importance of focusing on personal wellbeing when dealing with loved ones struggling with addiction - and how that is actually going to help not only you, but your loved one and your family.Here you need to recognise over-functioning behaviours, set boundaries, and take responsibility for one's own happiness. I am really encouraging you to engage in your own personal goodness and recovery and to lead by example, rather than waiting for your loved ones to change and for THAT to be the start of good things (just one of the unhelpful stories we tell ourselves).When we understand that recovery is a shared journey that requires effort from both parties - that we both have work to do here and changes to make... then we have a chance.Importantly - stop sitting in the cheap seats of your own life. You deserve better than that. Put the key to your happiness in your own pocket and take action accordingly.Key Takeaways:You will achieve more in one year focusing on your wellbeing than five years focusing on others.Over-functioning can prevent loved ones from developing their own skills and autonomy.Recognizing where you end and someone else begins is crucial for healthy relationships.Personal work is essential for navigating the complexities of addiction and recovery.Change is hard, and it requires tools and support to navigate effectively.Putting on your own oxygen mask is necessary to support others.You have the power to control your happiness and decisions.Healthy communication fosters connection and understanding in relationships.Leading by example can inspire change in loved ones.Life will not magically improve without conscious effort and personal growth.Let's get into it!Show Notes:I love getting mail! Send me an email here or amanda@addictionmakesthree.comWould you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!Are we Instagram friends?Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a timeIf you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here

In this episode we have the necessary conversation debunking the myth that supporting someone struggling with addiction is enabling their behaviour. The term 'enabling' perpetuates shame and stigma and paralyzes those trying to help. I talk about how we can reframe our behaviours in a way that actually helps. It's hard to watch our loved ones struggle, and we just don't know what to do here - I know you are doing your best, and I did too. When we know better we can do better and we will keep tweaking. The key is to align actions with what's right for you and make decisions that feel right. Families and spouses don’t need more shame here, from doing their best with the information and resources they have had up until this moment.In most cases the fear of enabling does more harm than good.The term enabling actually perpetuates the shame and stigma further.  It says you’re not good enough, you’re not doing it right.There is so much you can do here - for yourself and your loved one.You can do it. It’s possible. And you can do it in a healthy way that’s right for you.xxKey Takeaways:Supporting someone struggling with addiction is not enabling their behaviour.The term 'enabling' perpetuates shame and stigma and paralyses those trying to help.Reframe - behaviours can be either healthy or unhealthyIt is important to set boundaries and expectations to maintain connection and relationships.Align actions with what's right for you and make decisions that feel right.Seek support and drown out the noise of others when navigating the challenges of addiction.Let's get into it!Show Notes:I love getting mail! Send me an email here or amanda@addictionmakesthree.comWould you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!Are we Instagram friends?Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a timeIf you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here

In this episode, I discuss what rehab looks like after someone comes home and the importance of doing your own work. Emphasising that rehab is not a silver bullet and that both the person in recovery and their loved ones need to take responsibility for their own growth and happiness. I talk about and encourage open and honest communication, setting realistic goals, and handling the truth in a safe and healthy way. will also talking some big truths about the importance of stepping off the roller coaster of addiction and focusing on personal growth and self-trust.In this episode I talk about what the the tail end of rehab and coming back home looks like and all the complexities around that for the loved ones. The constant and low hum of anxiety about your loved ones up coming departure from rehab/recovery program, and a lot of thoughts and worries about what happens now, what does it look like and how do we go about living life once rehab is done.Things are usually quite dire when someone goes into rehab, the situation is constant chaos and crisis and you are both on the roller coaster of crazy, toxic and unhealthy behaviours. So how do we rebuild and move forwards in a healthy way?I talk about what I wish I then that I know now and some tough truths that you need to do for yourself, so you can step forward together in a healthy way.  Digging into what does success look like, for you and for them? And how can we build on that with the model fo change and realistic expectations - so that everyone is on the same page.If your loved one is going to, in or has been to rehab/recovery programs, they are (trying to) step off the addiction roller coaster and the hamster wheel - you need to work out how you are going to do the same. And that might be hard to hear.I would invite you to stop sitting in the cheap seats of your life and think about how you can show up as a main character - Independent of what loved one does…you need and deserve to live a great life.Key Takeaways:Rehab is not a silver bullet and both the person in recovery and their loved ones need to do their own work.Open and honest communication is crucial for a healthy relationship after rehab.Setting realistic goals and handling the truth in a safe and healthy way are important for personal growth.Stepping off the roller coaster of addiction and focusing on self-trust and personal happiness is essential.There are many different paths to recovery, and it's important to find what works best for each individual.Let's get into it!Show Notes:I love getting mail! Send me an email here or amanda@addictionmakesthree.comWould you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!Are we Instagram friends?Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a timeIf you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here

This is rehab from the other side... from the lived experience of a loved one on the 'outside'.This is a personal episode for me, as I dig into the memory box and go back to the rehab time, and the (very) long lead up to it. The rehab roller coaster of hope, dreams and disappointment.Not much is said about what happens to the spouses when their partners go to rehab. What it looks like, what it feels like, and the roller coaster of emotions while continuing to juggle all the balls.In this episode I talk about what the beginning was like when my loved one was in rehab, walking out the doors and resuming 'life'. And that's the thing here, nothing changes for those on the outside, life still carries on. And we need help and support too. What about us?I talk honestly about how I thought rehab was a silver bullet and how this dream was slowly crashing down around me, piece by piece.The directive of the rehab that we should respond to a lapse or relapse with "care and compassion" put my in a tailspin, as I had nothing in my tank, I was operating in survival mode, and I just wanted to know HOW to do that.Rehabs very rarely give the loved ones, families and spouses the support that THEY need to rebuild their lives along their loved ones. And this is the shortcomings.This is part 2 of 3 - there is a lot to be said about rehab from the other side.This is opening the can of rehab worms because they are certainly not all created equal. And while there are some amazing people out there doing such great work, there are some less than great also.What I wish I'd known.What I wouldn't do again.Why it's not a silver bullet.Let's get into it!

This is rehab from the other side... from the lived experience of a loved one on the 'outside'.This is a personal episode for me, as I dig into the memory box and go back to the rehab time, and the (very) long lead up to it. The rehab roller coaster of hope, dreams and disappointment.Not much is said about what happens to the spouses when their partners go to rehab. What it looks like, what it feels like, and the roller coaster of emotions while continuing to juggle all the balls.In this episode I talk about the lead up to rehab (it's long and brutal), the absolute confusion about what to do, the hope that is dashed each time they say they'll do it alone, the relief when they eventually go (if they do).I talk honestly about how I thought rehab was a silver bullet and how I put my life and goodness and all my hopes on this one small part of the journey, and how a woman's words in a lift brought my reality crashing down around me.Fears of cafe escapes and hard conversations.This is part 1 of 3 - there is a lot to be said about rehab from the other side.This is opening the can of rehab worms because they are certainly not all created equal. And while there are some amazing people out there doing such great work, there are some less than great also.What I wish I'd known.What I wouldn't do again.Why it's not a silver bullet.Then denial dance we all do.Let's get into it!

A bit of a pointy episode today.Because while I want to shine a light on this side of addiction. If this is impacting your life, I actually want to help you.So here it is."What got you here, won't get you there"All the habits, ways of navigating a loved ones recovery addiction, routines and behaviours that got you to this point in life, 'here'. Are not going to get you 'there', to your great life.The next chapter of your life, if you want it to be different and better, requires different from you.And it is you that needs to do that (this is annoying and empowering - trust me!)In this episode, let's have a look at what we might be doing that needs tweaking and how we can bring self awareness to this for change. How frustrating and infuriating is it when you see your loved one do the same things on repeat and you just want to SHAKE THEM into doing something differently so they might get a different and better outcome?... how might you be doing the exact same thing, but on the other side?Let's talk about changing our course, charting new paths and planting our garden in a different way so that we can live our great life and head to 'there'.Try it - let me know how you get on.Show Notes:I love getting mail! Send me an email here or amanda@addictionmakesthree.comWould you like the weekly wellness wires emails in your inbox - Yes please!Are we Instagram friends?Book in a friendly chat: Click here to find a timeIf you'd like to implement what have been learning on the podcast Join the waitlist for the next Pathway to Wellness Coaching Program: Drop your details here