Share

cover art for Recognising Your Attachment Style - and rethinking the 'Anxious-Avoidant trap': Relationship expert Adam Lane-Smith

A New Way of Being

Recognising Your Attachment Style - and rethinking the 'Anxious-Avoidant trap': Relationship expert Adam Lane-Smith

Do you know what attachment style you are? Whether you are secure, anxious, avoidant or a bit of a mix – your attachment style developed in childhood as a result of your relationships with your parents and primary caregivers, which then likely shapes what type of relationships you have for the rest of your life.

That is, unless you can become aware of an insecure attachment style, and work to heal it.

My guest is an attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith. In this episode you will learn about the different attachment styles - particularly the anxious and avoidant types, their impact on romantic relationships and why the 'anxious-avoidant trap' can be a blessing if you are willing to do the work, the scientific aspects of bonding and relationships, the roles of vasopressin and oxytocin in creating a sense intimacy as well as practical tips for improving emotional intimacy.

**

My book Champion Thinking: How To Find Success Without Losing Yourself draws on some of my favourite interviews over the last six years. In it, I seek to challenge our ideas about 'success', and where peace, joy and fulfilment are truly to be found.

'This book captures the magic of being in flow . . . Highly recommend' RONNIE O'SULLIVAN

'Entertaining and enlightening' MATTHEW SYED

'This book will challenge your thinking on what success truly is and will give you tools to "succeed" in life in the truest sense of the world. This is definitely not just another book about sport and those who happen to be good at it' -- GOLDIE SAYERS

'The intention behind this book is beautiful, and I highly recommend it' RUPERT SPIRA

'The best guide we have to what it means to be human' AMOL RAJAN

Order here: https://www.simonmundie.com/book

Amazonhttps://www.amazon.co.uk/Champion-Thinking-Success-Without-Yourself/dp/1526626497/

Website: simonmundie.com

YouTube: https://tinyurl.com/YouTubeSimonMundie

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simonmundie/

Substack Newsletter: https://simonmundie.substack.com/

More episodes

View all episodes

  • Your Anger Problem Isn't Anger Itself (Awakening Insight)

    09:25|
    Everything is either an expression of love, or a call for love - including anger.Watch this on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WoVaVRMd4oBook a free 1:1 consultation: https://calendly.com/simon-wgw/simon-mundie-intro-callTime Stamps00:00 Anger isn't the problem00:47 The feeling of anger in the body02:30 Welcoming anger03:51 How to recognise a Loving action04:13 Healthy anger versus unhealthy anger04:53 Spiritual Bypassing06:00 What to do when you feel the energy of anger07:30 Don't shame anger08:30 Love is the answer
  • You Can't Say No Without Explaining? Here's Why

    08:19|
    Many people struggle to say no without over-explaining — not because they lack communication skills, but because part of them feels unsafe being misunderstood.In this episode, Simon explores the deeper emotional pattern behind over-explaining and how meeting the underlying feeling with presence and compassion naturally leads to clearer boundaries and greater self-trust.If this resonates, you can book a coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/simon-wgw/simon-mundie-intro-callYou can watch this video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HZpyxkwHVsFor a gift of 30 free meditation sessions on Henry Shukman's meditation app 'The Way' - click here: https://the-way.app.link/simonFor more information on The Way head here: http://thewayapp.com/simon
  • The Inventor of the Microprocessor on Consciousness and Awakening | Federico Faggin

    01:25:05|
    In this conversation, I’m joined by physicist and microprocessor pioneer Federico Faggin for an exploration of consciousness, reality, and awakening. Federico is widely recognised for his role in shaping modern computing, yet after years of professional success he found himself deeply unhappy. In 1990, a spontaneous awakening experience radically shifted how he understood himself and the nature of reality. Rather than dismissing that experience, he spent decades integrating it with science, leading him to a view in which consciousness and free will are fundamental to the universe, not products of the brain. We talk about direct experience, science, meaning, and what all this might mean for humanity at this point in time.In this conversation, we explore:Federico’s background in physics and computing, and how his inner life didn’t match his outer successWhy professional achievement alone didn’t bring fulfilmentFederico’s spontaneous awakening experience in 1990 and how it changed everythingThe importance of direct experience over concepts or beliefsWhy love is not something we find outside ourselvesHow Federico developed his model of reality after his awakeningQuantum physics explained in clear, simple termsA practical analogy for understanding the collapse of the wave functionThe limitations of materialism and the flaws of “scientism”Free will, the separate self, and what it really means to chooseThe deeper purpose of the human experienceHow suffering, war, and evil can be understood through this lensSimon’s own kenshō experience and what followedThe difference between talking about awakening and living itWhy responsibility and honesty are essential for real awakeningThe post-awakening “dark night” and integrationWhy this moment in history feels pivotalThe relationship between fear, science, and belief systemsWhy consciousness must be the starting pointThe spiritual quickening happening nowWhat needs to change — individually and collectivelyWhy love, ultimately, matters more than fear1:1 COACHING CONSULTATION:: https://calendly.com/simon-wgw/find-your-flow-intro-chatMy YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@IAmSimonMundieGroup coaching enquiry (and retreats): info@simonmundie.comFor energy work with Alex: Alex@simonmundie.com
  • What Awakening Changes - And What It Doesn't

    10:09|
    After Awakening, the content of our experience doesn't change, but our relationship to experience does.In this episode, I explore what genuinely shifts after awakening - and what doesn't.Why Anxiety and Nervous System Reactivity Don’t End After AwakeningWhy Emotional Triggers Still Fire After AwakeningWhy Relationships Still Feel Difficult After AwakeningWhy You Stop Rescuing People and People-PleasingWhy Overthinking Drops Away After AwakeningWhy Resistance to life Drops Away (Even When It's Uncomfortable)Why Awakening Isn’t About Escaping YourselfIf you would rather watch this episode, the video version is here: https://youtu.be/9X0lMRL35jY1:1 COACHING CONSULTATION:: https://calendly.com/simon-wgw/find-your-flow-intro-chatGroup coaching enquiry (and retreats): info@simonmundie.comFor energy work - Reiki, Rahanni, Sound Baths - with Alex: Alex@simonmundie.com
  • How Subtle Self-Abandonment Actually Shows Up (A Recent Personal Example)

    10:15|
    This is a real example from my own life of how self-abandonment can show up in very subtle ways — and what changes when you stay with yourself instead. If this resonates and you’d like to explore it further, I’m hosting a free live webinar where we’ll look at how self-abandonment operates moment to moment, and how to stay centred.I am hosting a free webinar this evening Tuesday January 13th at 8pm called How To Stop Abandoning Yourself (and Live From Presence).Register here: https://zoom.us/meeting/register/b-bZ_YIJRZClJPdyluZeLg#/registrationIf you can't make it - read about my coaching or book a 1:1 consultation: https://calendly.com/simon-wgw/find-your-flow-intro-chatI will mention group coaching options in tonight's webinar.Hope to see you there!
  • Why 'New Year, New You' Misses the Point

    11:06|
    Every January there's a familiar conversation about becoming someone new. But real change doesn’t come from trying to fix a 'broken self.' Lasting change comes from stopping self-abandonment — learning to listen to what you feel, know and need, rather than overriding yourself to cope, please or perform. When you stop betraying yourself in small, everyday ways, clarity returns, boundaries become simpler, and life begins to flow with far less struggle.I am hosting a free webinar next Tuesday January 13th at 8pm called How To Stop Abandoning Yourself (and Live From Presence).Register here: https://zoom.us/meeting/register/b-bZ_YIJRZClJPdyluZeLg#/registrationRead about my coaching or book a consultation: https://calendly.com/simon-wgw/find-your-flow-intro-chatYouTube subscribe: https://www.youtube.com/@IAmSimonMundieSubstack subscribe: https://substack.com/@simonmundie
  • Love or Fear - the Choice Shaping Humanity's Future: Tom Campbell

    02:03:04|
    What If The Point Of Life Is Simply To Become More Loving? In this conversation, I’m joined by physicist and consciousness researcher Tom Campbell, author of My Big TOE (Theory Of Everything). We explore a simple but profound idea: that life is less about extraordinary experiences and more about the everyday choice between fear and love. Tom shares his view that consciousness evolves through how we live — through honesty, responsibility, and the way we treat ourselves and others — especially at a time when humanity feels increasingly divided.For 1:1 coaching book a consultation: https://calendly.com/simon-wgw/find-your-flow-intro-chatYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@IAmSimonMundieSubstack: https://substack.com/@simonmundieFree Course: https://www.simonmundie.com/restore-balance-mini-courseFor info on group coaching: info@simonmundie.comFor a gift of 30 free meditation sessions on Henry Shukman's app 'The Way' - click here: https://the-way.app.link/simon
  • Awakening Isn't What You Think: Zen Master Henry Shukman on Kensho

    01:35:41|
    There is a profound difference between intellectual understanding and direct experience of non duality. Simon Mundie and Henry Shukman discuss how spiritual awakening transforms our perception of reality and how a kensho changes everything.Henry Shukman is an authorised Zen Master and Spiritual Director of the Mountain Cloud Zen Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Over the years, Henry has taught meditation at organisations including Google, Harvard Business School and the Esalen Institute, AND he is also the co-founder of ‘The Way’ meditation app, which offers a unique pathway of training designed to help people deepen their practice. Henry is also an award-winning poet and the author of several books, including his latest ‘Original Love: The Four Inns on the Path of Awakening’, which explores meditation as a path to compassion, healing and presence.For 1:1 coaching with Simon book a consultation: https://calendly.com/simon-wgw/find-y...Simon's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@IAmSimonMundieFor a gift of 30 free meditation sessions on Henry's app 'The Way' - click here: https://the-way.app.link/simonFor more information on The Way head here: http://thewayapp.com/simon
  • The Truth About AI (From Someone Who Actually Knows)

    38:48|
    This is a conversation about AI with Jason Tsai, an AI strategist who’s been working at the intersection of tech and people for years. We talk honestly about what AI is (and isn’t), how to use it properly, what might happen in future and how to stand out in a fast-changing world.Rather than getting lost in the hype or fear, we look at where creativity, emotional intelligence, and deeper self-awareness still matter — maybe more than ever.Jason Tsai leads the AI Implementation practice at Pivotal, where he helps companies, organisations and teams augment their capabilities through the effective use of AI. https://www.linkedin.com/in/jasontsai88/https://www.thisispivotal.studio/